"Seaching for Self"

Hey, let me ask you something, who are you? Serious question, WHO...ARE...YOU? Now this may seem like a redundant question, but have you ever really thought about the answer? Go ahead and give it a moment. Don't worry about me, I'm okay, I'll wait. Now let me say this, if you answered this question by only responding with your name, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm NO, that was not what I was hoping to hear. While your name is indeed important, it does not define who you are. It does make it easier for friends to call you when they need a favor, but define you, no.

Look deep within self, what does your heart say? First and foremost, I hope it's saying "thump, thump," but aside from that, what would your heart say to you if you were with a friend, and some people were making fun of that friend? Would you choose to defend that friend, or would you allow that friend to be fun of? I'm speaking of course in regards to your actions. As human beings, we have been blessed with the gift of rational thought, and with that ability comes the responsibility of choice. Everyday, every hour, every minute, and every second, we are faced with choices that will determine what actions we choose to take. The very action you choose, regardless of whether it is positive or negative will ultimately be a defining factor in who you are as an individual.

So I guess this may help you define yourself a little, but it still doesn't tell you how to answer my question, does it? Well let me answer this question first, maybe it will help a little, "How do you find yourself?" How...hell, I don't know. I'm not Oprah or Dr. Phil. I can't tell you how to find yourself, nobody can. That is a journey that you as an individual make throughout your life. While I can't tell you how to find yourself, I can tell how I knew when I found myself.

Imagine your bathroom mirror, you see your reflection every time you peer into it, don't you? Well, I recall a time when I didn't see anyone. I would stand directly in front of my mirror, but nothing. I was invisible, or at least that was the way I felt. Day after day, I would look into that mirror hoping to catch a glimpse of the person on the other side, but he would never show himself. During that period, if someone would have asked me, "Who are you," I would not have known how to answer that question. I had lost myself, or to be more precise, I had yet to find myself, my heart was empty. Now I can't tell you exactly what type of change I made in my life, because I don't remember completely, and maybe it doesn't matter anyway; the path in which you take to find who you are may differ from the one I chose for myself. You know, I still remember the feeling I had when I looked into the mirror one day, and caught a glimspe of something I hadn't seen in a long time. Unfortanately, it wasn't my reflection, but as looked closer, I could see my eyes. I had felt like I had found a small piece of peace within myself. I thought it was crazy, standing in front of a mirror, and all I can see are my eyes. The funny thing is, I was happy, because for the first time in my life, I felt as if I was discovering who I really am. As time passed, I began to see more and more of myself. It started with my nose, then my cheeks, I even saw a smile, until one day I came to the mirror, and there it was, or should I say, there I was. My search for self is everlasting, as I hope to continuing growing in every facet of my life. What I can tell you is for the first time in my life, I had truely felt whole, and now, whenever someone ask me, "Who are you," I tell them...

Things I Dislike

I don't know why, but I feel like ranting. Everyday I encounter or see people, things or actions that just make me say, "Really...really, come on!"

1. People who wear sunglasses inside a building or at night. People should be able to wear what ever they want, whenever they want, but, "Come on!" Is it really that bright in there? Has the sun singled you out and chose to shine its UV rays directly at you at all times no matter where you are? I think wearing sunglasses at night are worse than wearing them indoors. Are they night vision sunglasses, do have have infra-red, or does the name change to moonglasses when the sun goes down. I would hope someone would not wear them at night when their driving. So by that logic, when a person arrives at a destination, they park their car, turns off their headlights, get out and purposely puts on sunglasses at night! I'm done with this, I don't even want to talk about anymore.

2. Companies that have people standing in front of that place of business like a damn advertisement dress in ridiculous costumes. I can't blame the people, because times are hard, and people have to do what they have to do to make ends meet. "But come on, really!" These companies think people don't see their signs from street, we see them, we just want to come to their establishment. So I guess by putting a person out by the side of the street, with another damn sign is suppose to illicit some type of different response. I will admit, I do blow my horn at everyone who work those type of jobs, but I don't find myself any more motivated to read what's on their sign, or try to listen to what they have to say. I mean, I'm in my car, I'm not slowing down, I drive in Atlanta traffic, I want to live. Alright, let's look at it like this: These companies can't be paying thse indivduals more than minimum wage, and if it is, it can't be that much more. And the costumes, are they heat insulated, do have have a portable air conditioners in them. I've seen some HOT ass people out there, sweat beading from their brow like a trial of ants on their way to a pinic. Don't forget about the cold weather. Staying around waving a sign doesn't generate warmth, better rip that sign up and build a fire. On to the next one.

3. This one may sound a little silly, just as the others, but I know some of you'll will understand. I dislike bugs (specifically gnats) that seem to target the face. Have you ever swallowed a bug? How about have one fly up your nose? What about your eye, ever have a bug just fly into your eye? I HATE THOSE BUGS! I think of those bugs as suicide bombers, because they're not going to survive, but they "bug" the hell out of you, literally. What kind of sense of direction is that? I mean really, what the hell can that bug be thinking? "What, what, did you just swat at me...ok, ok, I got something for that ass. Baby, tell the kids daddy may not make it back." BOOM, right into your eye, your nose, or your mouth. Damn gnats!

4. Now this one may gross people out a litte, but considering we've all been there, you'll understand. I dislike people who get overly dramatic when it comes to boogers. Really, a booger, so you've never had a booger in your nose? What's up with people noticing boogers in a person's nose, and not alerting them of the stash that lies up their nostril. What if that person is going to an interview, what if he or she is approaching someone from the opposite sex? People don't forgive boogers. I don't recall a day in my life when a booger harmed somebody. I'm not saying give the booger some love, I'm just saying, it a booger. I've had people tell me they don't want to disrespect the person, so they won't tell them a booger in their nose. I think it's disrespectful not to tell somebody, especially if your suppose to be my friend. Let's not let a little thing like a booger come between us. I have something for you: Do you remember a time when you were young and crying, then snot starting flowing from your nose, then you licked your lips...Eww, I know. Well, that was liquid booger. And now that people are grown, they think they're too good for boogers. Sometime ago, I saw very beautiful woman eat her boogers, just read my blog entitled, "Eye" Know Someone is Watching." Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't date that woman, but I mean come on, she eats boogers, Eww! I wouldn't date her! All I'm saying is when it comes to boogers, just chill out a little bit.

Have you ever just really sat back and thought about life? It can be pretty depressing...right? To think about your purpose on this earth, your fate, it can be damning, if you believe in that type of thing. For the sake of this blog, let's just say you do. What would you say your purpose is? Would you say that you are fulfilling it? Think about this...if people have one singular purpose, then life is nothing more than a role being played. The decisions you make and percieve as choices are nothing but mere illusions. That would mean you are predetermined to be what you will be, despite your hopes, dreams, and wishes. No amount of wealth, education, or status can change the role you've been destined to play. Pretty depressing, right? Too bad I just getting started.

Have you heard of an insect called the "Mayfly?" It's names derives from the Greek name "Ephemeros," which means short-lived. This insect also is know as the "one day fly." For adults, the life span can range from 30 minutes to a single day, depending on the species. Now I mention this insect for the purpose of purpose. When this insect is born into the world, it has a singular purpose, and that purpose is to mate. Don't get me wrong, that's one hell of a purpose, and if your only going to live for a short while, come on...come on, that's one hell of a way to go out.

Take the concept of the Mayfly, and apply it to your life. No, not the the mating, but the fact that it has it singular purpose. That would mean people who are criminals were born to be criminals. Despite a loving childhood, and influential upbringing, these people were born to lie, steal, and kill.

Taboo or Not Taboo

What is happening in our society? When have we become so accommodating to accept behavior and actions that are detrimental and damaging? Think about the kids, for the love of all that is holy, think of the kids. When I say this, I don't have to think too hard to give an example, I don't have to probe the inner database of my subconscious, then spice up a memory file to illicit a response, you probably felt the way I felt when a particular situation arose. Think about it...there was a time when words such as bitch, damn, and ass were unacceptable, yeah, you might have said them when you were around your friends, but the only other time you were sure to hear them was if an adult cursed. Are these words even considered curse words now and days ? They are so commonly used on televison and the radio, it should never be a surprise when a young child curses. I'm not blaming everything on television and the radio, it is a parents job to do the censorship. There was an episode of "South Park" that featured something called a shit counter; a device that counted how many times during the episode the word shit would be said. Believe it or not, it was over a hundred times, but that shouldn't be too hard believe, especially with everything else that is shown on television. "South Park" is just a cartoon, think about crime dramas "NYPD Blue," or even sitcoms likes "Seinfeld."

When I speak about how we as a whole have become an accepting society, I am speaking of more than mere curse words, think about the amount of sex, drugs, and alcohol that are projected in music, their videos, commercials, and the whole of television. I had to stop watching television, it seemed as if I saw a bare ass everyday, and it wasn't porn or a channel like HBO, it's regular cable. Look at the commercials, they even made a Herpes medication commercial sexual. A sexy woman in all white is riding a horse on the beach. She dismounts, approaches a man who is waiting for her with open arms. They embrace, he swings her in his arms and then they kiss. That's the commercial! Yeah, I know, what the hell? It's not until he is swinging her in his arms that she even mentions she has herpes, then they quickly mention the medicine that is experimental and they want you to try, until finally they blur through the side effects. Beer commercials are made to look cool, so it's no wonder kids are experimenting with alcohol at young ages. A parent can try to sheild their child, but advertisments are everywhere. If they don't see it on television, then they will hear it on the radio, you censor the radio, then they'll see the billboards as you drive, if they happen to miss those, they can always see the sides of the city buses. There is no particular time frame for adult-oriented commericials, because advertisers don't care who they sell to, the mission is to move a product. Remember good ole "Joe Camel," cigarettes once used this cartoon to target kids, and turn an entire genration into smokers. Why would kids be smoking cigarettes? Are they really stress like that, has high school got you down? Don't fit in with your friends? Really, these are the reasons a kid would smoke...because THEIR stressed, get real.

My concern lies with the overall acceptance of words, actions, situations that are intially frown upon. I have a theory how many of societies past ills have made their way into the everydayness of human lives. The first action is introducing the taboo. Regardless of what it may be, when something is introduced that people do not fully comprehend or understand, they challenge it. This action is purposeful, as it self-promotes itself by being controversial. It doesn't matter what it is, a word, product, action. The only thing that matters is people are talking about it. Second, with all the free publicity the taboo has been recieving, the next course of action will be frequency. Let the taboo be seen and heard as frequently as human possible. This ensures that the taboo will be etched into society, as with frequency comes acceptance. When the taboo was fresh, it was controversial, it sparked debates, it literally took on a life of its on, but as time passes, so does the intial feelings of resentment or anger. Frequency of the taboo gives the perception that the taboo has been weaken, and thus...step three. Step three is acceptance, as society accepts the taboo as just one of those things.

"Eye" Know Someone is Watching

Have you ever had the feeling that someone was watching you? Well...chances are pretty good that someone was. I can still remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old, my grandmother told me for the first, but not last time, "Be mindful of what you do, because you never know who is watching you." Those words ring in my head all the time when I'm out, as I constantly feel as if someone is watching. Some would consider this to be a bit paranoid, but there is an even greater chance, that I'm correct. Take for instance nowadays, their are plenty of people who refer to themselves as "people watchers," I know I do. If you ask me, we are all "people watchers." The moment we leave the comfort of our homes...hell, even within the comfort of our own homes, we "people watch." I know there has been at least one time, you have glanced out the window, peeked through the blinds, or looked around the curtains, and saw someone, perhaps even a neighbor and said to yourself, "Dang...that dude has a big ass head" or something or another. I'm not saying that everyone who sees you, or "people watchers" themselves look for faults or something to ridicule, what I am saying is, when a person who does not know you sees you, they typically form a general conception of who you are, more accurately, who they think you are.

You may wonder why I brought up "people watchers," I brought them into the discussion to prove a point. If everyone can be considered "people watchers," then there is never a moment when you are not being watched.

I remember a couple years ago when I was living in Richmond, Virginia. It was winter, and snow had been falling pretty heavy throughout the entire week. I was employed with the Post Office, and you know their motto, "Neither rain, sleet, nor snow." The last place I wanted be on that day was work, because I don't believe in that motto, and I didn't like driving in the snow. So as I locked the door behind me, and begin walking down the stairs, I slipped and fell into the snow on the ground. In a single action, I quickly got back to my feet, dusted myself off, and surveyed my surroundings to make sure that no one saw me. I didn't see anyone, so I was quite felt relieved. I made my way back up the stairs to grab my keys that had fallen near the door. As I grabbed my door knob to assure myself that I had locked the door, I heard loud single HA! I immediately turned around to resurvey the neighborhood, because I so sure that I had gotten away with fallen off my porch Scot free, but it was fairly obvious, at least one person saw it.


This particular experience is one where I am the observer, and the guilty party is a cute young lady.
One afternoon as I was returning home from work, I was stopped at what seemed to be an exceeding long red light. Just out of habit, I surveyed my surroundings, looked out the windshield to see who was in front of me, checked the sidewalks to see if anyone was walking, checked my mirrors to see who was behind me. Now as I checked my rear-view mirror, I saw a beautiful woman behind me, patiently waiting for this long light change. I found myself captivated by her beauty, I was saying to myself,"You should get out and try to holler at her," but I quickly came to my senses, she probably would have thought I was trying to robbed her or not even roll her window down. After I talked myself out of doing something some-what stupid, I began to admire her from my rear-view, but strangely her beauty had faded significantly since my first glance at her. I'm not a shallow guy, I think it had something to do with her finger stuff up her nose. I actually found this to be pretty funny. Here is this beautiful woman sitting in her car reaching DEEP into her nose, because she thinks that no one is watching her. After this scene, I was hoping the light would stay red just a bit longer, because I WAS WAITING...I WAS WAITING. What, you may ask was I waiting for. I WAS WAITING FOR "THE FLICK." I was waiting for this woman to roll down her window and flick that nose crust, but you know what I got, I got something I wasn't ready for. I got something you may not be ready for. This beautiful when I first saw her, but not so beautiful woman anymore, took her finger, placed it into her mouth, ate her booger, then repeated these steps on the other nostril. I was pretty disgusted, but I was rolling with laughter in my car because I didn't know grown people ate their boogers. When I younger, I knew a couple friends who ate their booger, but this was the first time I had ever seen someone from the female persuasion do it. It was like an oxymoron, she was so beautiful, but she was so disgusting.

Let that be a lesson to you, you never know who is watching.