Yes or No: I Wasn't Ready

Today was an extraordinarily beautiful day to go to the park. There was a perfect mixture of sunshine and clouds as if they were playing peek-a-boo with the earth's surface. There was also a breeze, a light breeze, a breeze that seemed to wisp by consciously like it went from person to person and in passing simply said, "Chill out." I was having a very good day, that is, until I got my heart broken.

While I was sitting on a bench reading my book, I noticed two little legs position themselves directly in front of me as I was nearing the bottom of my current page. I peeked over the top of my book to discover it was an adorable little girl. She appeared to be about four or five years old, and as I said before, she was absolutely adorable, a real cutie pie. Without a second thought, I closed my book, set it on my lap, and began surveying the immediate area for a parent or older sibling. When I didn't see anyone in the vicinity actively searching or outright panicking, I asked the girl, "Who did you come to the park with?" As I asked this question, I noticed the melancholy gaze of her eyes and the manner in which she peered deeply into mine as if she were searching for something. Her gaze intensified as she stood before me visually asking me question after question. After what seemed like an interrogation, she finally settled on a question that was important enough to vocalize, or perhaps it was the only question that truly mattered to her, "Are you my daddy?"

I wasn't ready that question, how could I be? I thought to myself, "If only she had ask me something else, anything else, maybe I could have given her an answer." My heart fell to pieces and my vocal chords tightened as she peered deeper into my eyes searching for an answer I was too fearful to give.

I know I couldn't say yes, but I didn't want to tell her no as she just stood there, waiting. "Man...where is your mama," is what I was thinking, because I didn't have the heart to say anything. I always thought of children as a blessing and believed when two people were fortunate enough to have a child together, God had smiled down on them. Does this mean that God is in tears now? What drives a man to abandon his child? There is no excuse, no acceptable reason for a father...no I can't classify these men as fathers, let's just call them what they are, "dead-beats; there is no acceptable reason a dead-beat can justify the absence of his presence in the life of his child(ren). Unfortunately, this is an all too common tragedy that occurs everyday, as mothers are forced to play a dual role in the lives of their child(ren). There is a quote by a 19th century novelist named William Makepeace Thakeray that states, "Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children." What are we men, "rolling stones?" There are way too many dead-beats out there, but I also know that there are just as many good, responsible fathers out there who appreciate the gift they have been blessed with.

I only wish this adorable little girl's father recognized the blessing she is. I never did answer her question, and she didn't bother to ask again. She sat down on the bench beside me and asked, "Can you read me a story, please?" "Of course", I said, "I was just in the middle of Goldilocks and the Three Bears." She looked me straight in the face and said, "That's not what the book says." You can't sneak anything past kids nowadays, can you? Just as I was about to begin telling a story I haven't heard myself since I was a child, her mother walked over.
"Hi, I hope she hasn't been troubling you too much."
"Not at all, she was a sweetheart."
"That's great. I sent her over here for a time-out, I was right there with my son. I'm glad she didn't disturb you. Come on baby, it time to say goodbye to the nice man."
The little girl peered into my eyes one last time, perhaps she was still searching for something or maybe she had found it. The melancholy gaze which initially greeted me was gone, and her eyes seemed revitalized as grabbed her mother's hand, smiled, and waved goodbye.